Cereal Fatigue Syndrome

Everything in moderation, my grandfather always said. Well, I mean, he never actually said that. At least not to me. That I can remember. But I'm sure that if he had, he would've meant it as much in regards to cereal as to, say, chocolate or beer or broccoli with cheese sauce. Because while cereal is a beautiful thing, much like chocolate and beer and broccoli with cheese cause (if that's how you roll, I won't judge you), too much of it isn't such a beautiful thing.

In my life, the warning signs of Cereal Fatigue Syndrome crop up on an approximately biweekly basis. Most mornings, I awake outright excited about breakfast. I kid you not: before I'm even out of the shower, I've already decided exactly what types of cereal I'm going to eat, how I'm going to mix them, which is due for my first bowl, and which are in line for subsequent bowls. Then I sit down at the table and fulfill my wildest dreams, perhaps sticking to my plan and perhaps riffing on it -- improvising mixes, going with what works, abandoning what doesn't. But some mornings, maybe once a week, or more likely once every other week, I wake up and the cereal visions don't come. Instead, a void. I need something new.

Cereal Fatigue Syndrome is often cured with a single day of variation. Most likely, I'll do a big bowl of yogurt and granola, with fruit on top. It's good stuff. But it lacks the staying power of cereal. One day, two tops, and I'm done. Then I'm back on the cereal kick. Or maybe I'll do eggs. I'll admit: I'm not a big egg guy. One day of eggs and I'm good for at least a week. Back to the cereal!

Maintaining variety in cereal consumption helps, but it's not a cure-all. Most days, I eat three or four bowls consisting of two, three, or even four different types of cereal. It helps keeps things fresh, exciting, even dangerous -- like a new love. I know, that's sad, but stick with me here. Even new love fades. That's why, if I can help it, I don't eat cereal on the weekends. Saturdays and Sundays are days to recharge my cereal battery. Monday I'm back at it with a vengeance.

One of my good friends, who has hopefully made it this far into the post, once ate cereal all day every day for some indeterminate period of time in college. Eventually, he began to slowly waste away. Cereal is not as nutritious as some of us cereal freaks may wish -- especially when you're eating the bargain bag stuff, which my dear friend was -- so it certainly doesn't suffice as your sole source of sustenance. He made it a good, long while, but eventually, he, too, began to suffer from a serious case of CFS. Much to his credit, he has recovered and continues to eat cereal like a champ.

But here's the moral of the story: don't be like him. Eat a lot of cereal, but not a lot a lot.